Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
