help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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