just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
