so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
