did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
