i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
