I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
