I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
