I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
