If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
