That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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