i just made my gag reflex go away.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
