Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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