My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
