When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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