proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
