I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
