if i can run in heels then i can drive
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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