Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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