just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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