today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
