Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
