Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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