so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
