Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
