Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I wear drunk well.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
