Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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