i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
