Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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