using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
