We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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