I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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