put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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