K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I can't put those talents on a resume
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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