I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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