Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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