Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
