I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
