So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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