she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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