once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
