So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We need to rekindle our bromance
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
