my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize