If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
