I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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