I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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