My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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