if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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