Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I need to calm my uterus...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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