bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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