I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
