I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
