The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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