She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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