Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
