i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
