everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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