and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
