I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
