I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
