there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
