apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
