i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
