just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .