Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
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I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
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He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...