Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
where does the pee come out of this thing
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
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Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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