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I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
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