So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
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Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
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I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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