ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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