you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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