watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
