So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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