so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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