I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
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You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
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And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize