It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
