he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
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Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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